Shocking...

So, today, for me, has been one kick in the teeth after another. I had an email from the Duke transplant guy (I don't know exactly what he does at Duke but he is something to do with lung transplants (obviously)) and he tells us the 'deposit' for the assessment and lung transplant is... wait for it... $718,000. I saw the email and cried. Alot. That works out at about £360,000. Where that amount of money is going to come from in a matter of the weeks I have left is beyond me. I am seriously getting very worried now and starting to think realistically. That amount of money, unless a famous celeb comes along and donates it is not going to come in time for me. I have spent the majority of the day in tears.

To put it bluntly, if I don't get this money in the next few weeks I will die. That, I'm afraid is the bottom line.

I am still feeling no better yet still leaving the hospice on Thursday (yeah Thursday instead now). My kidneys have packed in for the 2nd night running having not being able to pee for 24hrs I have just had to be catheterised again. For the past few days every time I've felt the need to pee I've had to get Jamie to run a tap for me and believe me it works!

Had a chat with the nurse here tonight, she hasn't properly looked after me before but isn’t happy about this leaving on Thursday business. I still can't talk in full sentences and can do very little for myself, I’m covered in bruises from keep wobbling into things (mainly the edge of the bed) and although the Morphine and Diazepam take the edge off the breathlessness for a while it is not the be all and end all. But it maybe that the hospice have reached the end of what they can do for me and it’s just my condition deteriorating further which is something they can obviously do absolutely nothing about. She’s handing it over anyway to the sister in the morning, I mean its not that I don't want to go home its just I'm not really any different after spending 3wks in the hospice which is, for me very disappointing. Anyway I will stop rambling now.

Oh one last thing, local friends, watch out for me in the Tameside Advertiser this week (maybe front page) they're coming tomorrow to take my story. For everyone else I will post a link when the story is up online.

Rach