Monday, 27 September 2010

Rant

I'm feeling the need to rant, not a negative rant though. Last night one of the nurses that's looked after me quite alot over the last 6mths, asked, well said "I bet you must have regretted having a transplant at some point?" This is a subject I feel so strongly about. I have had my fair share of problems lately some completely new issues that I know nothing about and at times I've not known how to deal with them. I have had to put my trust fully into the transplant team, something I found at first extremely hard to do given the trouble I've had with medical teams in the past. But anyway back to the original statement, I answered without any doubt in my mind 'not for a second'. It would be so easy for me to become like that, I've seen it happen to other patients on the ward and hell I've had my problems since transplant some days I have felt like giving up, like I’m fighting a never ending battle, things are not perfect for me right now and we know now they maybe not be, that's another blog altogether (!) But I'm 100% sure I did the right thing with going through with my transplant. It's the best thing that's ever happened to me and I feel so lucky and so privileged to have been given my gift, my second chance at life. I have friends that have been waiting years and I've also lost friends waiting for lungs and I know that I could easily have been one of them. That sometimes makes me question why I've been so lucky but I'm not opening that can of worms!
Someone else also commented saying something along the lines of "oh I thought a transplant would make you so much better". Well it has! It was never meant to be THE cure, I knew that when I signed the consent forms, I never went into transplant believing that it would make my life perfect that would be silly. Even with the problems I'm having, I don't need a ventilator to keep me alive or even half as much oxygen as I did pre transplant, I don't feel constantly ill and like my next breath could be my last, that's the best feeling of all and to top it off I'm not dying, I'm living and now I have the potential to go on living for many years. Something that I've never had before, the potential to live, not die. Just a chance, that’s all I wanted and that’s what I’ve been given.
So the bottom line is, yes there's problems and I expected them they're just new challenges I have to face. But this is my new life with new lungs and I appreciate every second of it.

3 comments:

Molly said...

Thanks for sharing Rachy.

Take care,
Moll x x

lulu said...

well said button! I had and still have similar questions asked. As you said, we knew it wasnt a cure but yeh its tuff to deal with obstacles that we've never dealt with before. Being used to battles like you, we take it head on and as you say its a new journey, only poss because of our altruistic donors. So much for you to enjoy now despite the 'hiccups' as I used to call it, just to manage and get through!! You're doing so well and as you know can identitfy so so much with you. Im a phone call away if ever u fancy a natter!! Keep going strong babes xx

Cough Of Death said...

very well put my dear. I know it has been rough on you. and you're doing the best you can. glad to see you arent regretting it. though, I never thought you would. love you rachy <3

 
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