Sunday, 13 September 2009

It takes alot to scare me now. Having been through what I've been through. Right now I'm scared. My mentality, with transplant in particular has always been 'hold on a bit longer and you'll get there, just a bit longer to the next appointment'. I'm so stubborn that that has not failed me yet. As silly as it may sound, seen as I was given just days to live in a hospice exactly 12mths ago its only recently that I've really realised that its going to take more than my stubborn mind set to keep me alive. And that as much as I desperately want to cling onto life and the chance of a transplant my body might just fail me before that's possible. Right now things are bad, I'm determined I will not fall before this (hopefully) final hurdle. I'm not religious but I talked to a family member recently that is and since then I've been praying, I don't quite know to who or what, just praying. Please keep everything crossed that my clinic appointment on the 22nd goes well.


wheezy tux said...

got everything crossed for you rach. good luck xxx

Cough Of Death said...

you really are amazing, you know that?

Emily H said...

I'm praying for you too, sweetie.

Much love
Em xxx

Uncle Jim said...

There is a lot to be said for stubborn. It has been a big part of getting you to today. It is understandable that you are scared...we can be so tough, yet so delicate!

Just do whatever you can to maintain your little body until the medical community gets you the lungs that you deserve. There are a lot of us out here with nose hoses that are rooting for you, praying for you, and crossing everything.

losing my lungs said...


I wish you all the very best and hope that you get your soon as possible.
I know what it is to have to have lousy lungs i suffer from emphysema and am on O2 for 16 hrs a day. Reading your blog which showed up on the efforts web site which is for copd, and is widely not only in the uk but also in the usa. So Rachel you have abut 2500 people willing you on



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